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Well, this is going on day 3 of working at my new job since I finished training. Last night was crazy busy! We had hordes of ppl coming into McDonald's after the mall closed and the theatre let out. Thank goodness we had some help when a guy who works there but wasn't shifted on came back into the kitchen and helped us out a bit. We had just two of us back there and the store was hoppin!
I need to get myself some non-skid shoes. I slide all over in the grease lol. I wish too that the humidity would die down, it's brutal in the kitchen in this heat! My face is bright red from being so hot and by the time I get home I need to take a nice, long, cold bath to both cool down and get all the salt from sweating off me, yeah it's gross!
The worst part of this job is how much my feet hurt!! I thought it would be hard on my back since I have a bad back but no, it's my feet! By the time midnight rolls around and I can go home I can barely walk as I hobble out to my van. It hurts to even take the emergency brake off with my foot lol. Last night I came home, stripped down, took a cold bath and some pain killers then was in bed by 1am. I could NOT sleep though! The pain in my feet was horrible and I was laying there in agony as my feet throbbed. I got so desperate I tried something I knew would work but if you don't want to hear TMI stop reading now lol. I lay there wondering why the pain killers weren't working and willing my natural endorphins to kick in when I thought to myself how I know one natural way to release endorphins......sex! I contemplated it and then woke my boyfriend, Chris, up. He didn't mind (lol as if he would) and believe it or not......it worked! I was able to relax afterwards, pain free, and fall asleep lol!
I got up this morning and got on the scale. I don't know if it's from running my ass ragged or sweating my ass off but I lost 3 lbs overnight!! It's not a fun way to lose but at least I lost something lol.
Well, it is 12:30pm and I am sitting here with my feet up until I have to get ready for work. I dread going in and hope my feet are ok by then, at least they aren't as bad as last night!
Friday I go for my PATs at Henry Ford hospital in Wyandotte, Michigan. I think my parents are driving me, at first it didn't look like they would. I hope they do, driving across the border scares the crap outta me! Anyways, I am going to go relax some more lol, ciao!
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Monday, July 21, 2008
Surgery Date Is Getting Closer!
This past week has been pretty busy. I have been training at my new job at McDonald's for one thing. It's gone pretty well but I am soooo tired by the time I come home and the heat this week doesn't help. Saturday (the 19th) was my daughter Tanya's Sweet 16th birthday so I had a lot of running around for that and spent a small fortune on it all. It went well I think. We had a pool party at my parents' house and I had to work so I showed up a bit late for it. It rained a bit but everyone still swam lol. I think everyone had fun.
This Friday I go for my PATs at Henry Ford hospital. I'm not too sure if I have to drive myself or if my parents are taking me. It's at 10am and my mom has to work, I'm just so afraid to drive by myself across the border! I don't think I have to ask for the night off work cuz it shouldn't take long there.
My nervousness has died down a bit and I more or less just want to get this over with. I think the fact that I was so busy learning the new job this week and getting things ready for Tanya's party it kept my mind off of things related to the surgery. I do notice that I am having a hard time staying on my feet at work the whole time, maybe this will be better after the surgery...I hope!
I hope things go well with this surgery. I can't have anything happen or go wrong. My kids need me and I want to be here for them. I love them more than anything and they are my whole life. I just want to be healthy so I can be here forever for them!
This Friday I go for my PATs at Henry Ford hospital. I'm not too sure if I have to drive myself or if my parents are taking me. It's at 10am and my mom has to work, I'm just so afraid to drive by myself across the border! I don't think I have to ask for the night off work cuz it shouldn't take long there.
My nervousness has died down a bit and I more or less just want to get this over with. I think the fact that I was so busy learning the new job this week and getting things ready for Tanya's party it kept my mind off of things related to the surgery. I do notice that I am having a hard time staying on my feet at work the whole time, maybe this will be better after the surgery...I hope!
I hope things go well with this surgery. I can't have anything happen or go wrong. My kids need me and I want to be here for them. I love them more than anything and they are my whole life. I just want to be healthy so I can be here forever for them!
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Little Breakdown Yesterday
Hey there, sorry I didn't post yesterday but I had a kind of lazy day and I also had a bit of a breakdown lol. Thank goodness for the friends I have made on OH (that's obesityhelp.com for those who don't know). Everyone is so great there!
Anyways, I woke up around 9am even though I didn't get to bed until like 5am, damned insomnia. My mom was calling so that woke me up. I saw that I had a message so I listened to my answering machine...omg the hospital had called at 7:30am! I got the number off the message and nervously dialed it. I got an answering machine so I left a message. Then I made another call and during that time Henry Ford hospital called again! I don't know why my call waiting didn't go off but they must have wondered "wth" because I had just called them and now didn't answer. I was just about to call back when they called me lol. The girl on the other end was about to go on break so she tried to call one more time, thank goodness!
The girl I spoke to was soooo nice! She got all my info and booked me in for the 25th, next friday for my PATs. In my excitement I did not think to ask what PAT stood for or what to expect lol. I was told to get valet parked and they would give me a voucher to get it for free. She told me to just bring myself. Nothing else needed. She had me talk to someone else too who I was told also had the surgery and if I had any questions I could ask her. I didn't really have any though but she was real nice too and booked me in for the 25th.
So, I get off the phone and it's all seeming so close and real now right? I let out a little "whoop!" then laughed, then burst into tears! Ummm ok wth?! I calmed myself down, then laughed again at the fact that I had cried then started to cry again, harder!! Ok, so now I am thinking "ok I've lost it, I am certifiable now!". I went onto OH and posted about how I was feeling. I am so thankful that there are people there who have gone through it and can validate how I feel! They all encouraged me and told me how normal it was to freak out like that lol. Phew! I had thought I was crazy lmao.
It just seems so real, so final now. This is the last hurdle I have to jump over to get to the finish line. I will be a winner by being a loser hehehe. I can't wait to lose weight but I am scared at the same time. I remember my back surgery and being scared but not this bad. I need to stay calm, focus, and especially remain calm going into the surgery!
Now I have to tell my new boss that I need next friday off, hope that goes well!
Anyways, I woke up around 9am even though I didn't get to bed until like 5am, damned insomnia. My mom was calling so that woke me up. I saw that I had a message so I listened to my answering machine...omg the hospital had called at 7:30am! I got the number off the message and nervously dialed it. I got an answering machine so I left a message. Then I made another call and during that time Henry Ford hospital called again! I don't know why my call waiting didn't go off but they must have wondered "wth" because I had just called them and now didn't answer. I was just about to call back when they called me lol. The girl on the other end was about to go on break so she tried to call one more time, thank goodness!
The girl I spoke to was soooo nice! She got all my info and booked me in for the 25th, next friday for my PATs. In my excitement I did not think to ask what PAT stood for or what to expect lol. I was told to get valet parked and they would give me a voucher to get it for free. She told me to just bring myself. Nothing else needed. She had me talk to someone else too who I was told also had the surgery and if I had any questions I could ask her. I didn't really have any though but she was real nice too and booked me in for the 25th.
So, I get off the phone and it's all seeming so close and real now right? I let out a little "whoop!" then laughed, then burst into tears! Ummm ok wth?! I calmed myself down, then laughed again at the fact that I had cried then started to cry again, harder!! Ok, so now I am thinking "ok I've lost it, I am certifiable now!". I went onto OH and posted about how I was feeling. I am so thankful that there are people there who have gone through it and can validate how I feel! They all encouraged me and told me how normal it was to freak out like that lol. Phew! I had thought I was crazy lmao.
It just seems so real, so final now. This is the last hurdle I have to jump over to get to the finish line. I will be a winner by being a loser hehehe. I can't wait to lose weight but I am scared at the same time. I remember my back surgery and being scared but not this bad. I need to stay calm, focus, and especially remain calm going into the surgery!
Now I have to tell my new boss that I need next friday off, hope that goes well!
Monday, July 14, 2008
Bathing Beauty? I Think Not!
So far this summer I have gone swimming twice. I thought it was bad enough showing off my huge body in a bathing suit when we went to Mitchell's Bay. At least there I didn't know anyone, there were hardly any people there, and there were other overweight people in the water. I do kind of feel though that I was some kind of example to them all, as if they were saying "If she can wear a bathing suit looking like that then I can wear mine!"
The second time was yesterday. We took the kids to my parents' house swimming in their inground pool. I had to go in so I could stay with Kalli in the water and was nervous about wearing my bathing suit in the pool. In the past I have either worn a long t-shirt over it in the pool or I have worn shirt and shorts over it lol. I no longer have anything that even remotely covers any of my fat so for the first time since I think I was a teenager I went in the pool with just my bathing suit on. It's much harder to look like Shamu in front of family let me just tell you! I also thought that maybe now they will all see why I need the gastric bypass surgery lol.
The weird thing about all this is...I know how bad I look, how big....but in a year I will look so different that I don't mind showing off my fat now! How weird is that?? It's not that I want to show my fat to everyone it's just that I know now I won't always look like this. I am still ashamed but next year I will feel proud.
Today might be a different story though. I am starting the training for my new job and I am assuming they will have my new uniform. I hate uniforms, they never fit right. This one I was told runs small. I have a feeling that even though I told them my size that the pants just won't fit. I even went up a size just in case. I know I will be losing weight soon but in the meantime I am going to be humiliated telling my trainer or manager that the size 26 pants do not fit. Ugh, I dread starting this job just for that! No, actually not just for that reason...I am also worried that I won't be able to stand for that long. This weight, 300 lbs, is hard to carry and standing for any amount of time is almost impossible anymore. Well, we shall see how this goes...
Wish me luck!
The second time was yesterday. We took the kids to my parents' house swimming in their inground pool. I had to go in so I could stay with Kalli in the water and was nervous about wearing my bathing suit in the pool. In the past I have either worn a long t-shirt over it in the pool or I have worn shirt and shorts over it lol. I no longer have anything that even remotely covers any of my fat so for the first time since I think I was a teenager I went in the pool with just my bathing suit on. It's much harder to look like Shamu in front of family let me just tell you! I also thought that maybe now they will all see why I need the gastric bypass surgery lol.
The weird thing about all this is...I know how bad I look, how big....but in a year I will look so different that I don't mind showing off my fat now! How weird is that?? It's not that I want to show my fat to everyone it's just that I know now I won't always look like this. I am still ashamed but next year I will feel proud.
Today might be a different story though. I am starting the training for my new job and I am assuming they will have my new uniform. I hate uniforms, they never fit right. This one I was told runs small. I have a feeling that even though I told them my size that the pants just won't fit. I even went up a size just in case. I know I will be losing weight soon but in the meantime I am going to be humiliated telling my trainer or manager that the size 26 pants do not fit. Ugh, I dread starting this job just for that! No, actually not just for that reason...I am also worried that I won't be able to stand for that long. This weight, 300 lbs, is hard to carry and standing for any amount of time is almost impossible anymore. Well, we shall see how this goes...
Wish me luck!
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Old Habits Die Hard
Well, tomorrow I start training for my new job. Since I will somewhat have a routine again I decided that now is the time to get myself back on track. I need to cut out the junk food and bad eating habits and slowly get myself into the new habits I will need to develop after the surgery. I figure if I start off slow it won't seem like such a shock. I am so used to eating fast food all the time and getting munchies from the store that I know it will be hard for at least a few days. Old habits die hard for me lol. I also know from doing this before that once I get over the initial cravings and withdrawals it is usually smooth sailing and won't seem so bad.
So, I am thinking that starting today I am going to try and eat my protein bars instead of reaching for junk food and I am going to carry a water bottle with me everywhere I go and sip, sip, sip! Right after the surgery I need to stay hydrated and need to get in a lot of water. This has always been hard for me. I can never drink a whole lot and water just does not seem too appealing sometimes. Right now with it being summer it's not too hard but I hardly need to drink in the winter. I do need to get used to it now.
I also want to start logging the food I eat. I know if I see it in writing I will feel much more guilty about eating what I do and I'll probably even be appalled once I realize just how much junk I consume. I need to get my head out of this "last supper" phase and be smart. I want to go into the surgery as healthy as possible!
So, I am thinking that starting today I am going to try and eat my protein bars instead of reaching for junk food and I am going to carry a water bottle with me everywhere I go and sip, sip, sip! Right after the surgery I need to stay hydrated and need to get in a lot of water. This has always been hard for me. I can never drink a whole lot and water just does not seem too appealing sometimes. Right now with it being summer it's not too hard but I hardly need to drink in the winter. I do need to get used to it now.
I also want to start logging the food I eat. I know if I see it in writing I will feel much more guilty about eating what I do and I'll probably even be appalled once I realize just how much junk I consume. I need to get my head out of this "last supper" phase and be smart. I want to go into the surgery as healthy as possible!
Friday, July 11, 2008
Now That's Much Better
I hate being scale obsessed, have been obsessed with scales since I was young. I wake up every day, go into the bathroom, pee (tmi? sorry lol), take off all my clothes (and glasses) then step on the scale. If I don't like the number I step off then step back on trying to make sure I am dead set in the middle of it, not leaning (could cause the scale to go up lol), and see if anything changes. It never does, of course lol. I always weigh myself naked, make sure I've gotten my bodily functions taken care of, never weigh AFTER a shower or bath (in case water gets soaked up in my skin and weighs me down), not even a hair band in, and I take off my glasses even though I am practically blind without them and have to squint hard to read the scale lol. You get the point now? My relationship with my scale has never changed and I doubt it ever will at this point. I have an obsession.
So, as I reported yesterday I was mad at my scale. "It" made me gain 7 lbs. Ok I know not to blame the scale but it's easier that way. This morning I was afraid to get on because I was bad before bed last night and ate Arby's as well as 3 protein bars! I cringed as I stepped on but was surprised. I am down 3 lbs! So those 3 lbs are most likely water weight but so what?! I am down 3 lbs! I feel a little better now lol. I am not so mad at my scale, all is forgiven.
I am going to try and eat better now. I also need to give up pop, that is going to be hard! I have such an addiction and I love my Dr. Peppers! I very rarely drink anything BUT pop. I know, I know...not good at all. So I will have some withdrawals and might be bitchy but I better try now so it won't be so hard after the surgery.
Anyways, I am off to the beach. Hope nobody mistakes me for a beached whale!
So, as I reported yesterday I was mad at my scale. "It" made me gain 7 lbs. Ok I know not to blame the scale but it's easier that way. This morning I was afraid to get on because I was bad before bed last night and ate Arby's as well as 3 protein bars! I cringed as I stepped on but was surprised. I am down 3 lbs! So those 3 lbs are most likely water weight but so what?! I am down 3 lbs! I feel a little better now lol. I am not so mad at my scale, all is forgiven.
I am going to try and eat better now. I also need to give up pop, that is going to be hard! I have such an addiction and I love my Dr. Peppers! I very rarely drink anything BUT pop. I know, I know...not good at all. So I will have some withdrawals and might be bitchy but I better try now so it won't be so hard after the surgery.
Anyways, I am off to the beach. Hope nobody mistakes me for a beached whale!
Get Me Off This Crazy Ride!
Ok, so...my weight loss surgery is in less than a month now. If you could see me you'd think I was on death row and just given a request for my last supper!
I swear I am eating triple what I am used to because I feel I have to get in all my favourite foods before the surgery. I am eating fast food like it's going out of style! I really need to stop and catch my breathe, realize that it's not like I'll never be able to eat again. As a matter of fact, some people I have spoken to who had the surgery can eat almost anything they want, just in smaller portions.
I really don't know how I will be after the surgery. Some are pretty sick and others breeze through it. I know I will be fine as I have always been strong and healed quickly. What I am wondering is what foods I will be able to tolerate. Some post-ops have dumping syndrome with just about everything bad for them, others just certain types of foods, others don't get it at all. I am hoping I at least get it a bit so I won't want to fall back into bad habits.
Anyways, I got on the scale this morning after two weeks of going hog wild with food to see I gained 7 freaking pounds!! OMG!!!! I had lost 2-3 pounds a few weeks ago, well those are gained back plus 5 more pounds! I need to get control of myself now. It can't be healthy for me to gain before the surgery. I was hoping to start my weight loss now.
Last time I got on a scale I was 302 lbs, now I am 309 lbs! Somebody smack me! Ban me from fast food restaurants!!
Ok, I'm going to try and do better now. I'm taking two of my daughters to the beach tomorrow and I dread showing any skin lol. Hopefully next summer I will be showing off some skin!
I swear I am eating triple what I am used to because I feel I have to get in all my favourite foods before the surgery. I am eating fast food like it's going out of style! I really need to stop and catch my breathe, realize that it's not like I'll never be able to eat again. As a matter of fact, some people I have spoken to who had the surgery can eat almost anything they want, just in smaller portions.
I really don't know how I will be after the surgery. Some are pretty sick and others breeze through it. I know I will be fine as I have always been strong and healed quickly. What I am wondering is what foods I will be able to tolerate. Some post-ops have dumping syndrome with just about everything bad for them, others just certain types of foods, others don't get it at all. I am hoping I at least get it a bit so I won't want to fall back into bad habits.
Anyways, I got on the scale this morning after two weeks of going hog wild with food to see I gained 7 freaking pounds!! OMG!!!! I had lost 2-3 pounds a few weeks ago, well those are gained back plus 5 more pounds! I need to get control of myself now. It can't be healthy for me to gain before the surgery. I was hoping to start my weight loss now.
Last time I got on a scale I was 302 lbs, now I am 309 lbs! Somebody smack me! Ban me from fast food restaurants!!
Ok, I'm going to try and do better now. I'm taking two of my daughters to the beach tomorrow and I dread showing any skin lol. Hopefully next summer I will be showing off some skin!
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