Monday, July 14, 2008

Bathing Beauty? I Think Not!

So far this summer I have gone swimming twice. I thought it was bad enough showing off my huge body in a bathing suit when we went to Mitchell's Bay. At least there I didn't know anyone, there were hardly any people there, and there were other overweight people in the water. I do kind of feel though that I was some kind of example to them all, as if they were saying "If she can wear a bathing suit looking like that then I can wear mine!"

The second time was yesterday. We took the kids to my parents' house swimming in their inground pool. I had to go in so I could stay with Kalli in the water and was nervous about wearing my bathing suit in the pool. In the past I have either worn a long t-shirt over it in the pool or I have worn shirt and shorts over it lol. I no longer have anything that even remotely covers any of my fat so for the first time since I think I was a teenager I went in the pool with just my bathing suit on. It's much harder to look like Shamu in front of family let me just tell you! I also thought that maybe now they will all see why I need the gastric bypass surgery lol.

The weird thing about all this is...I know how bad I look, how big....but in a year I will look so different that I don't mind showing off my fat now! How weird is that?? It's not that I want to show my fat to everyone it's just that I know now I won't always look like this. I am still ashamed but next year I will feel proud.

Today might be a different story though. I am starting the training for my new job and I am assuming they will have my new uniform. I hate uniforms, they never fit right. This one I was told runs small. I have a feeling that even though I told them my size that the pants just won't fit. I even went up a size just in case. I know I will be losing weight soon but in the meantime I am going to be humiliated telling my trainer or manager that the size 26 pants do not fit. Ugh, I dread starting this job just for that! No, actually not just for that reason...I am also worried that I won't be able to stand for that long. This weight, 300 lbs, is hard to carry and standing for any amount of time is almost impossible anymore. Well, we shall see how this goes...

Wish me luck!