Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Surviving the holidays

Wow, I haven't posted anything here for months! Ok let me update you all.

As of this moment I have lost a total of 134 lbs. I now weigh 174 lbs but I honestly look like I weigh less than that. I look and feel terrific! Let me tell you, shopping for clothes is now a great feeling! I am in a size medium to large shirt and 12 pants. I have 10-15 lbs more to lose to reach the goal my surgeon set out for me!

Over the holidays I managed to lose 2 pounds just before Christmas and then I maintained that weight throughout all my pigging out. I am shocked I never gained but last year I had lost 7 lbs over the holidays.

This year I could fit a lot more in, I have to be careful of that now. I can eat a lot more than I ever could since surgery. I also ate a ton of junk, chocolate and other goodies. I allowed myself this lenience however so I wouldn't feel deprived.

I am back on track now though. I am having my protein shakes and eating cheese and yogurt when I get the munchies. I am trying to keep up with my vitamins also. I went to give blood and was turned away cuz my iron is dangerously low. I had been slacking on taking vitamins for a while so now I am trying but it's still hard to remember.

Anyways, I look forward to 2010. I am getting married in May and want to lose that last 10-15 lbs by then. I am sure I can do it but in the winter it is hard to get in exercise. I know once it warms up I can get out walking again at least.

Hope you all had a blessed Christmas and that 2010 is the best year yet for everyone!

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Happy 1 Year Surgiversary To Me!

I cannot believe it has been a year since my surgery. This is something I have dreamed about my whole adult life, to be healthy and active again and I cannot believe how much has changed in the past year.

This could end up being a long post. I will start from the beginning. For years I was in an abusive marriage which finally ended but not until long after I had gained a huge amount of weight. I used to be very athletic, involved in all kinds of sports and I also used to work out religiously. Then I got married and started having kids, all the while my husband became more and more abusive and I fell deeper into a hole of depression, building up a wall of fat around me. We divorced and yet I still struggled with my weight, even after meeting my present bf of the past 10 years.

My health was still so-so until about two years ago. I had had back surgery about 10 years ago for a herniated disk and the pain in my back was getting worse again because I kept gaining weight. My knees were starting to hurt. I had permanent numbness in my right thigh from nerve damage. I was borderline diabetic. I had such severe carpal tunnel syndrome that it woke me up at night and I could not feel my fingers. Surgery was going to be scheduled for it. I had experienced increasing stress incontinence over the past two years which was too embarassing to discuss with anyone. Hygiene was becoming a challenge which distressed me as I was always a bit too OCD when it comes to cleanliness. I could not put on my own socks and shoes anymore so I'd have to have my bf do it for me. Even shaving my legs left me needing a nap afterwards. I would drive around parking lots several times to try and find a spot close to the doors because walking a few feet made me feel winded and like I would pass out.

I was usually between 200lbs and 225lbs but then a year before my surgery I gained about 80 lbs in just one year. I did not feel healthy, in fact, I knew I was dying. Even while my physicals at the doctor's all turned out ok I felt like I was literally dying from being so fat. I would get more depressed and eat more, a vicious cycle. I had researched WLS a bit over the past 7-8 years, getting my most valuable info from people I knew who had it. Some told me horror stories of anal leakage and constant vomiting after meals....During this time I dreamt of being thin again, to feel healthy and be able to do things again. My 30's sped by in a haze of junk food, fast food, and sitting on my ass doing nothing because I was too fat to do anything and too depressed to stop eating.

Suddenly I hit a real crisis....I hit 300 lbs! I was shocked and saddened when I realized I had done this to myself. I would be turning 40 soon and I wasted so many years being obese and knew if I kept it up I wouldn't have many years left. My kids needed their mom, my youngest is handicapped and needs me in her life forever. I could not do this to them...

THEN, I had a life changing experience. I first of all always thought you had to hit 300lbs before you could have WLS and second I thought it either cost a fortune or it was only done under special circumstances, like real huge health issues. By this time I had plantar fasciitis and could barely stand, I knew my weight did not help at all. So, one night I was training a girl at work on midnights at the Sunoco gas station I worked at then. A tiny little woman came into the store. She drove one of those shuttle buses that does airport runs and such and had to go out on the highway late at night so she stopped for a snack. As she picked up a bag of chips she looked up and said to me "I need to grab some munchies for the road" then added, "You'd never know I used to be over 300lbs". I was astonished. No way was this tiny little woman once that huge! She told me she is now a size 4 and I asked how she did it. She told me she had WLS. It was like a light clicked on in my head and I fired question after question at her which she gladly answered. I had no idea OHIP paid for this! I didn't know how easy it was to attain! I didn't know you could get OHIP to cover it being done across the border! WOW!

First thing I did after that night was to try and get a family doctor as mine had retired years ago. I went to a clinic and lo and behold they knew of a new doctor who was taking patients (a real rarity in Windsor). I made an appointment and she was awesome from the moment I met her. She's my age and very personable. She ordered up all the bloodwork I needed, did a complete physical and then mentioned I should try and take some weight off. Perfect opening! I asked her than if she knew anything about WLS. She said she had taken on a patient recently who had the surgery and was doing well but she did not know that much about it yet. She told me to give her some time to get some info and she'd get back to me in about 3-4 weeks. I felt optimistic and was happy she seemed to be on board about it all. So, I went home and waited. Two days later my doctor calls me up, she already had me "pre-approved" by OHIP! I was just expecting the info, not to already be pre-approved (which she told me was as good as being fully approved). I was scared then, was I ready for this? Was I sure this is what I wanted to do to lose weight?? The more I thought about it the more I knew...I WANTED THIS!!!!

I immediately got a prescription for Champix to quit smoking and was smoke free by the second week (it's now been 1 year and 4 months smoke free!). I went to a seminar a week later that was held by the surgeon my doctor referred me to. I brought my mom so she would know what it was all about too. My family was not in agreement about me having this surgery but they didn't say too much about it. Two weeks after the seminar I had my consult with the surgeon. By this time I was totally psyched and couldn't wait. It was mid-May by then. The surgeon asked for a sleep study to make sure I didn't have sleep apnea because I thought I might. The closest they could book was beginning of June. I pushed for my results and got them back in a few days rather than the 3 weeks they had told me lol. So, end of June and I was ready to book my surgery BUT, everything was already booked up for June and July and he was also on vacation some of that time. So I finally got my OHIP approval (final approval) and surgery date on the same day, August 4th, 2008. I got off the phone after they told me when it would be and laughed I was so excited, then promptly burst into tears. I thought then, "ok, now I am losing it, going crazy". I was not ready for the emotions I would feel. I was excited yet scared, hopeful and doubtful. I had my "two-week freak" a month early lol. I had my "last supper syndrome" for a month, eating out every night! Then came time for the liquid diet one week before surgery. I lost 15 lbs even though I cheated one night.

August 4th, 2008 came and my mom drove me and my oldest daughter across the border to Henry Ford Hospital in Wyandotte, Michigan. Surprisingly I felt calm. The nurses were so friendly and I was excited to start a new life! I was wheeled in and was told afterwards I must have been nervous cuz I told the nurses that my daughter was my sister lol!

I had open RNY surgery which is what my surgeon and I decided on. I was told afterwards that when Dr Hendrick went out to tell my mom and daughter that I made it ok that my mom burst into tears. I never realized how worried she had been about it all. Dr Hendrick then told my daughter that now I would live long enough to see her walk down the aisle someday at her wedding.

I remember vaguely waking up. Not much pain but a bit. Morphine is a wonderful thing. I opened my eyes and saw my daughter pointing a camera at me. I made the peace sign and fell back to sleep. I was in and out of sleep for a while as my mom and daughter waited for me to fully wake up.

I was not in much pain surprisingly. It felt more like I pulled all my stomach muscles. It did hurt to cough or laugh though lol. I had made it through to the other side, I was on the loser's bench!
In the year since I had surgery I lost 100lbs in the first 6 months. Then I hit the mother of all stalls for 3.5 months! I have as of today lost 118 lbs and have 30 lbs more to go. I lost 10 lbs alone in July (8lbs in one week and two more pounds the next week) so I know that even if I hit a stall I will still lose weight!

These are the changes in my life since I had my RNY:

-I can cross my legs
-I can paint my toenails and shave my legs without almost killing myself doing it
-I can sit in a bathtub without being wedged in or blocking water flow around me lol
-I have no more numbness from nerve damage in my thigh
-plantar fasciitis went away
-carpal tunnel syndrome is gone
-no back pain
-my blood pressure is on the low side and no more boderline diabetic
-I feel my bones again
-no incontinence!!
-I never get overheated, now I am always freezing
-I can walk and walk and walk and never get winded, I even JOG!
-I can work 8 hours without sitting down! My feet no longer hurt when I stand!
-I park at the back of parking lots now :D
-My bf calls me a speedwalker and he (for being so fit himself) says he can't keep up with me
-I can fit into chairs with arms and not get stuck!
-I FIT THROUGH TURNSTILES! (no longer do I feel dread seeing one)
-I can squeeze past someone and not knock them over with my butt or tummy
-Friends or family see me and say "hi skinny!"
-My bf tells me I have no butt anymore lol
-sex is phenominal!!!!!!!!!!!!! (had forgotten how flexible I can be too lol)
-I am buying cute little matching bras and panties, no more granny undies and sports bras! I even wear thongs (before they would have disappeared lol)
-I have so much energy I can't sit still and sometimes can't even sleep at night, I feel the need to be moving all the time
-My family keeps telling me they can't believe the change in me, just even how much more I want to do, they even brag about me to everyone!
-I jump on my sister's trampoline with my nieces and don't send them flying off through the air, actually...they almost send me flying!
-I used to have my weight as leverage, nobody could push me or pick me up, this summer I got picked up almost effortlessly to be thrown into a pool lol much to my shock and dismay!
-I found my curves again and I have bones that stick out now
-I went from a size 28 pants to now being between a 14 and 16 and still going down! I was in a 5X shirt and now fit into a medium, panties are mediums too now!
-My BMI was 51 to start and is now 31.6
-I look forward to the rest of my life now
-I get attention and compliments from guys again
-I don't shy away from pictures anymore
-bra size went from 44D to 38C which to me is perfect (hope I don't lose more though lol)
-I like to wear jeans again, no more stretchy elastic band pants!
-shoes went from size 8 or 9 to a size 7!
-rings that were too small are now too loose
-I get told I look years younger now
-I have very little loose skin and any cellulite is almost all gone
-my kids tell me I am getting too skinny
-I can do so much with my kids now, no more sitting around watching all the fun
-I play volleyball now (which I used to always play on a team)
-I exercise with my WiiFit and love it
-People who knew me as an obese person are shocked when they see me now
-I don't dread going to work knowing how tired I will be and how much pain I'll be in
-I no longer take pain killers, my body feels 20 years younger!
-I'm happy all the time now and love life!

---I am sure there are so many more things I am leaving out but this could just go on and on....

So there you have it...the story of what brought me to choose RNY gastric bypass surgery and my life since surgery.

Sorry this is so long but I didn't want to leave out a single thing. This was the single most important decision I think I ever made for myself in my whole life. I feel like I was given a second chance at life. I am so grateful to Dr Hendrick! I wish I knew the woman who came into my store that one night and told me her story. I have shared my success with strangers, you never know if you might be the one to be the deciding factor in saving someone's life just as that woman helped me to decided to have this surgery to save my life.

One final word on this surgiversary of mine: I LOVE MY RNY!!

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Back on Track

This past week I was determined to get myself back on track. I hadn't seen the scale move in a while and was tired of no results so I focused and started to track everything I ate. This helped me tremendously and I also started to walk every night. First night I walked a mile and the next night was up to 3 miles.

I got results from staying on track. I lost 8 lbs this week! I did not cheat and have any junk to eat. I ate more protein and got more water in. I walked and tracked all my food, staying around 1200 calories a day.

I am so happy to have lost this weight!!

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Discouraged Again

I hate to sound like a whiner which I know gets annoying but I am just so frustrated with my weight loss. I know a lot of it is my fault, I am falling into old habits, but I just get so hungry now!

I finally got under 200 lbs but the scale bounces now between 200 and 199.2 lbs. I know that it's almost that time of month which always makes the scale go up for me and I eat like a pig then too, but it's no consolation! I have 40-50 more pounds to lose before my goal. Right now I'd be happy losing 20 more lol.

I see so many others who are just melting their weight off so fast. Mine started out fast then slowed right down to less than a crawl! I got so discouraged about it today I had a piece of cake for breakfast which is real bad. Usually I have a protein shake. What gets to me most though is even when I do eat very good I don't seem to lose like I should.

I am still in a size 16 and would love to get down to a 14 in the next month. I was exercising like crazy and all I got for it was 1 pound lost! I feel smaller but can't get into that next size yet....

I was considering two things this morning....Weight Watchers (which probably wouldn't help) or starting to smoke again to replace food (not gonna happen!) That is how stressed I am about all this.

I am going to try to cut out all junk for the next week and see if that makes a difference, carbs included. I'll let you know how that goes....

Sunday, May 17, 2009


Finally I did it! I hit Onderland! Which means I am below 200 lbs finally!!!

I hit a plateau in early March that was so frustrating and discouraging, going up and down a few pounds and never getting below 200 lbs. I wanted so bad to hit Onderland by my 40th birthday on April 27 but it didn't happen so I was depressed about it all. I seriously thought I was done my weight loss journey. This was the mother of all plateaus I tell ya!

So, all week I was at 200.4 lbs and I was giving up. I was doing my Wii Fit, that I bought about a month ago, every day religiously. Jogging anywhere from 1-3 miles and doing strength and aerobics exercises. I really couldn't break through my stall.

Last night I got called in to work and was eating some chicken nuggets and had some coke so I thought for sure my weight would be up this morning. My body was all achy and sore and I got on the scale, dreading what it would say.........

199.8 lbs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I thought it was a mistake so I got off the scale then back on, but it still said 199.8 lbs! I stayed off for an hour and tried again, the same! Weeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

Finally, I hit my biggest goal yet! I was excited to hit the Century Club (100 lbs lost) but my biggest goal were to be below 200 lbs (something I haven't been in 17 years) and my next is to hit goal...49 lbs to go now!

I have now lost 109 lbs in 9 months!

I LOVE MY RNY!!!!!!!

Thursday, April 16, 2009

My Weight Loss Chart

This might be long but this is my chart/progress since May of 2008 when I first got approved for surgery until my most recent weigh-in..........It starts with my most recent so you might want to start from the bottom and go up.

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Here I am at 8.5 months after surgery and I am in a huge stall that is driving me crazy. Want to know exactly why it is driving me crazy?? I can't get below 200 lbs! Grrrrrrrrr!

I have gone as low as 201 lbs then bounce back up to 204 or even 207 lbs before coming back down a bit but never below 200 lbs! I want so bad to be in Onderland before my 40th birthday which is the end of this month (April 27).

I am hoping this isn't the end of the line. That my weight loss has stopped. I feel great, feel thin but I still see myself as fat when I see pics of myself, even when others tell me I look great....

I tried the 5 day pouch test but ended up not finishing it. Lost a couple of pounds then back up they went. I don't get it! I know I've been eating more carbs which is bad but it still shouldn't stop my weight loss!

Sometimes I wonder if I am just destined to fail....

Sunday, February 22, 2009

My post on OH about losing 100 lbs

I just wanted to add to my last post I made about losing 100 lbs in 6 months from surgery. I am pasting the post I made on obesityhelp.com so you can see all the wow moments I have had in the past 6 months.....

*I can't believe it!! It's been an awesome past 6 months since my surgery but this whole time I couldn't wait to hit that 100 lbs lost point and now I've done it! I had just called my mom and was laughing about how I was .8 lbs away and seemed to be losing ounces not lbs to get there. Then I went to get in the shower and got on the scale and there it was! I almost screamed lol. I am 208.6 lbs now, down from 308.6 lbs only 6 months ago.

The last time I was down this much was 10 years ago this month when I had my back surgery and needed to lose 20 lbs for that surgery. Now my next big goal will be to get below 200 lbs and I want to reach that before I turn 40 on April 27th. I think I will get there no problem lol. I haven't been below 200 lbs for 16 years!

There have been frustrating stalls along the way but I've learned to get along with those stalls lol. I know my body is readjusting with each stall and I still lose inches or I can almost see the weight getting redistributed all over. I feel alive again and so full of energy!

I wanted to list some of my "WOW!" moments that I've experienced in the past six months so sorry if this post gets a bit long lol.....

- I can now fit into the bathtub to take my beloved bubble baths without getting stuck or wedged, I actually have room around me now and my butt bones hurt on the hard bottom lol

- I can shave my legs without having to turn myself into a pretzel, almost drowning myself in the tub

- I can see certain body parts that I had almost forgotten were there lol

- I can cross my legs, not just putting my ankle across my knee but actually cross them fully! I don't have to grab my leg and pull it up to do it either lol AND I can cross them both ways, not just one leg, I can switch legs with ease lol

- I can walk through the mall or park near the back of a parking lot and not be out of breath walking. I can walk quite a distance and not get tired or need rests. I even run!!

- Sex is better than ever!!!

- I have boobs again lol! Before they sat on my big old tummy but now...DAMN they look good and perky still lol, maybe not as firm but I haven't lost anything there so far, still a 44D lol and my bf keeps reminding me how good they look lol

- I showed my kids that I can still do the splits, couldn't do that a few months ago

- I am so full of energy I have a hard time sleeping at night now, I wake up after sleeping a few hours and I am raring to go

- I am always cold now as opposed to always hot

- Very little loose skin so far!

- I am in a size 16 pants and large top, I don't shop at Pennington's anymore but I picked up some tight size large rock t-shirts and they look good on me!

- My butt looks awesome again (back in school days I was voted by the guys as having the best butt in school lol)

- I can paint my toenails with ease!

- I actually like to exercise!

- I don't dump so I still get to eat whatever I want BUT my tastes have changed so that chocolate and pop and other bad, sugary foods don't appeal to me like they used to

- I can eat almost a whole cheeseburger from a fast food restaurant although I have to do it slowly lol

- I feel sexy and desirable again

- I get checked out by men again

- people hold doors open for me or strike up convos with me again, I'm not "invisible" anymore

- My shoes are now too big for me, as is my jewellery and hats

- I can sleep on my tummy

- sleeping on my back I don't get choked by neck fat or cleavage now

- I can fit, with room to spare, through turnstiles

- I can work long shifts and not have sore feet from standing so long

- I can squeeze by people in tight spaces and not hit them with my tummy or butt lol

- I can fit in theatre seats!

- All seat belts fit around me now

- I don't need help putting on socks and shoes anymore!

- numbness in thigh due to back injury and surgery 10 years ago is now gone!

- my back doesn't hurt hardly at all anymore (bad back and disk removed)

- my self confidence is sky-high!

I am sure there are so many more that I can think of if I try really hard but I don't want this post getting too long lol.

Anyways, thank you so much to all of you for your support and inspiration and to all my friends at the Windsor Weight Loss Surgery Support Group. I can't wait to hit my next goal and finally my end goal. I feel it's so within reach now that I can definitely do it!

Finally..................I LOVE MY RNY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *

Saturday, February 21, 2009

In The Century Club! 100 LBS Gone Forever!!

Well, it has been 6.5 months since I had my RNY gastric bypass surgery and as of today I have lost 100 lbs!!!!! I am so psyched!!

I can't believe how good I feel, how sexy I feel and how free I feel! I can do so much more than I have in years and I feel alive for the first time in at least 10 years!

I don't feel that I have given up a whole lot. I don't "dump" from eating sugar or fats and when I do eat those things I find I actually lose more lol. I can eat somewhat normally, not having my portions restricted too much. Of course I can't eat 2nd or third portions anymore and eat probably half to 2/3 of a real portion but I don't feel like I am deprived at all.

I can't believe I've lost 100 lbs in 6 months and hit my first big goal. My next goal I wanted to reach by my birthday on April 27, 2009...which is to be below 200 lbs. I am 208.6 as of today so I think I will reach that goal no problem!

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Sick of Plateaus

Well, it's getting closer to Valentine's Day and I'm not sure my little goal will be met. I am in another plateau! I was down to 215 lbs and went up to 220 for a day or two and am now back down to 217 lbs. I can't seem to get back down to 215 lbs and I have been eating right. I know it's water weight cuz I've been feeling bloated but man is it ever frustrating!

I am worried now. First I am worried that I won't lose 100 lbs for my Valentine's goal which should have been easy to do. Next I am worried that I won't get to Onderland by my birthday in April.

Sometimes these plateaus don't worry me much but this one has me worried. The last time I was this weight was when I got pregnant for my youngest child and I had been this weight for a while. I'm just concerned that my body will want to stay at this weight....forever....

I lost the first 70 lbs so easily, then it all slowed down. I know I can now eat more than a few months ago but still not enough to gain weight...

I can't wait for winter to be over so I can get out more and get more active! That will help me lose more!!

Thursday, January 15, 2009

New mini goal

I am really hoping to be down to 199 lbs or "Onderland" by my 40th birthday which is April 27th of this year. I am freaking out a bit that I won't get there but I have decided to make myself a mini goal in the meantime.

I want to have lost 100 lbs by Valentine's Day. I have lost 89 lbs as of today so that would be 11 lbs to lose in a month...seems attainable right? Well, I hope it is cuz my weight loss is so weird lately!

I will be on a stall for a while, then gain a pound or two then all of a sudden BOOM! I lose anywhere from 1-10 lbs suddenly lol.

I admit that I don't follow what I am supposed to eat religiously, nor do I exercise like I should but it also seems that when I cheat a bit with a forbidden food I seem to lose.....weird!

Anyways, let's see if I happen to get down 11 more pounds in the next month. If I can do that then I am so close to hitting Onderland by my birthday!!