Friday, August 1, 2008

Liquid Diet

Well, I've been trying to follow this liquid diet I have to be on the week before surgery and it's been tough. I had a gross protein drink that made me feel so sick so I ended up having nothing but water for 3 days straight. Well, I ended up feeling so weak at work and dizzy and cranky! The good news is that since last week I have now lost 15 lbs! I finally got some good protein drinks from a couple of new friends I met first through OH ( and then I met them in person at the Windsor Weight Loss Surgery Support Group. The protein they gave me tasted really good so I feel much better.

I have a confession however and I want to share it for a reason. Even though I got those protein drinks today and felt better, the 3 days of just water had gotten to me I guess. I cheated and went to Burger King at 1am. I didn't want anyone to catch me eating but I just had that "craving" that I couldn't ignore! I am telling you this because I know some of you have people in your lives (like I do) that will say you can do it on your own. They will say you don 't need the surgery, just stop eating junk!

This is my message to all of you who think I can lose the weight on my own. Being obese is not a social issue as much as it is a disease. We tell alcoholics to go to rehab and we know it is a disease, that they can never touch another drink or they will once again be victims. Being obese is not just a disease, it is so varied in what causes it for each person yet we all feel the same outcomes. We might eat to protect ourselves from the world in larger bodies, we eat for comfort, we eat because the taste of food going down our throats is the best feeling in the world that no drug could even begin to come close to. There are many reason why a person becomes obese, predisposition to obesity (it's just in the genes!), stress, low self-esteem, depression....the list could go on and on and on! Sure we can go on a diet, lose some or most or all of the weight we need to. I can guarantee though that the obese person who loses it through dieting and even exercise will 99% of the time gain it back. Something will trigger it and the addiction is too strong to resist. Food is a basic necessity for life as we all know. An obese person can hide behind that whereas a smoker, drug addict, alcoholic cannot say that they will die without having what they crave. Food on the other hand is something humans need to survive. It's easy then to not give it a second thought or feel as guilty. We also though will not only eat guilt-free in front of everyone but we will later on turn into closet-eaters. Hiding when we eat and how much we eat, raiding the fridge in the middle of the night or getting late snacks at the store so nobody sees us to berate us or make us feel guilty.

So, sure I could diet. I just lost 15 lbs on this liquid diet in a week. My surgery is on Monday however (it's now friday). Without the surgery I can 100% guarantee that those 15 lbs would be back on me within a month, bringing along 5 extra lbs to boot! I've been through it all sooooooo many times over the years! Don't tell me I can do it on my own! I would have already damn it!! Do you think I want to cut my stomach open and rip most of it apart, leaving a little pouch? Do you think I enjoy pain or changing my life forever. The only life I knew since birth and then taking away my one comfort when I need eat until I feel better?! I wish I could do it on my own so much. I wish food didn't have this hold on me!

Ok enough ranting lol. I cheated on this liquid diet but I am not beating myself up over it. One cheat will not kill me and I didn't even finish it, I gave half to my dog lol. I just needed to savor the taste of something good tonight. It was a stressful day at work and then my french bulldog was in respiratory distress and he is in the animal hospital overnight hooked up to IV's. He's ok but I am worried. A lot of things built up and food has always been my comfort.

Well, my surgery is in a few days. I got my prescriptions filled tonight and am basically ready for it now. So the countdown is now on!