Allow me to explain the title of this blog with what happened to me this past weekend.
On Thursday afternoon my mother asked me if I wanted to go out with her and my 3 year old niece to walk through Ojibway Park to which I said yes. On the way she said she was going to take my niece through the McDonald's drive thru but then changed her mind and we ended up at Appleby's.
I have not really gone to any restaurants since my surgery for a few reasons. First I was afraid that there'd be nothing on the menu I could handle since I haven't been able to eat much or keep certain new foods down. Also I was afraid of wasting food or eating too much and needing to throw it up.
Well I ended up ordering the appetizer sampler which has riblets, cheese quesadillas, mozzarella sticks, & tortilla chips with spinach dip. I also ordered french onion soup but I only sipped the broth part. I shared the appetizer with my mom and I ordered water to drink. I didn't eat a whole bunch but I felt bad about my choice as there was a lot of carbs.
Afterwards we walked for about a mile through Ojibway Park so I didn't feel as bad. Thing is....I couldn't stop thinking about that appetizer sampler after that!
Friday night Chris and I went to Blockbuster to get some movies to watch and I suggested going to get some take out at Appleby's. It had been on my mind all day! This time I got the sampler and also a banana/mango smoothie (not a good choice but I am tired of water and stay away from pop which is my downfall). I ate about half of it while watching movies. Eating while watching tv is not good as you are not aware of how much you eat and you end up eating more than you should.
On Saturday it was my niece's birthday and my sister decided to take the younger kids to see Madagascar 2 at the theater. I got Kalli (my 7 year old) a kiddie popcorn deal with twizzlers and drink. She ended up not wanting any of it so I ate the popcorn and twizzler. After the movie we went back to my sister's where we had stuffed crust pizza from Little Caesar's. I had a piece and a crazy bread stick but I only ate half of each. Then I had a small piece of chocolate pudding cake and a small scoop of chocolate ice cream but only ate half of that also.
I felt like such a failure after eating all I did this weekend. I posted about how I felt on obesityhelp.com and thank goodness for the good support we all receive there! One of the supporters is from my own Windsor Weight Loss Surgery Support Group. Dawn e-mailed me and told me I sounded a lot like her, a binge eater. I thought "omg yes! How could I forget?!" I do binge eat but I haven't since my surgery. It's also getting to be almost that time of month and I always binged more at that time. I don't feel so bad now. I've also tried to eat better today. I am getting myself back on track. I've failed other weight loss attempts before by cheating and feeling I failed but this time I have a tool to help me...my surgery! I am getting back on track.
I am such a perfectionist so I do tend to be hard on myself. I know I am not perfect but I have to accept that I am human and will slip up, but as long as I recognize that I am allowed to make mistakes as long as I fix it after than I will be fine!
Binge eating is not done out of hunger! I feel hungry but it's head hunger, not once did my tummy growl! I can usually take or leave food and have to remind myself to eat. I will always struggle with not binging but at least I know what my problem is and can plan ahead to avoid situations. I can also slip up and not feel I failed...I will just get back on track!